Auto-correct was invented without the Jewish tongue in mind. Here is a classic auto-correct Jewish horror story. Try to figure out what the words were before the auto-correct kicked in. (Answers at the end.)

The Legend of the Auto-Corrected Shabby Speech

Recently, Moshe Lefkowitz, the Rabbi of a small town in southern California, had to take a leave of absence after an unfortunate Mohel hazing incident, and sent his loyal congregants his weekly Shabbat speech by email using his lawyer’s iPhone. Unfortunately, in his haste, he forgot to turn off the auto-correct, and the following D’var Torah was read during the weekly Kiddush:

Stabbed salmon (1),

As you sit there enjoying your fertile (2) fish and cholesterol (3), allow me to share a few words with you from this week’s parrish (4), the Torah portion of catfish lach (5).

This week, we read about a dramatic encounter between Esau and brother tacos (6). Esau was a bit of a schnitzel (7) who wanted some of taco’s cholesterol. A question is asked by the holy radio (8), what was so great about a bowl of flies hog (9) that Esau was willing to give up his right as the firstborn son of its chalk (10) and Rebecca?

This reminds me of the time my shiver (11) told me that it’s my fault the children aren’t giving her nachos (12). I told that nudist (13) to go kitchen touches (14)!

Where was I? I’m all far clementine (15).

Ah, yes. Esau and tacos, and the question of why he would want to dress (16) a bowl of cholesterol over his rights as a firstborn?

And the answer lies in the book of Koran (17), where we see a man who thinks he’s a big moocher (18) and knows he’s in the wrong still face the wrath of hashed (19) for a few moments of experiencing the pleasure of power. What a masseur! (20)

As you sit there on your touches, ask yourself: would I rather eat cholesterol or do I want to be like tacos and value a bowl of flies hog like its bubbles? (21)

Your Rabbi,

Mouse Leftovers (22)

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1 = Shabbat Shalom

2 = Gefilte

3 = Cholent

4 = Parsha

5 = Vayishlach

6 = Yaacov

7 = Schnorrer

8 = Rashi

9 = Fleishig

10 = Itzchak

11 = Shviger

12 = Nachas

13 = Nudnik

14 = Kishen Tuchis

15 = Farklempt

16 = Fress

17 = Korach

18 = Mocher

19 = Hashem

20 = Mamzer

21 = Bubkis

22 = Moshe Lefkowitz

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By Zvi Hershcovich, Jewbellish staff writer

Photo by Andy Myrick