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Talk Yiddish To Me (Nisht-Dirty Parody)

Jason Derulo took a sweet Yiddish melody for his recent hit. Jewbellish took it back.

LYRICS:

Bubby: Jewbellish? Ha ha…

Jewbellish with me
I’m that type with a prayer shawl
Sway side to side
First-class style with my swag, ya’ll
Is Jewish pride
Cuz I, I know what them curls need
Monroe to Monsey
Got fishstick stains on my passport
It’s bubby’s recipe
Been around the world, they don’t speak my language
But your bubby don’t need explainin’
All I need you to understand is
Will. You. Talk Yiddish to me?
Talk Yiddish to me
איינצ – וואס מאכסט א איד
צוויי – וואס טוט זיך מיר
דריי – קים אריין
And talk Yiddish to me
Ya, Talk Yiddish to me
איינצ צוויי דריי
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קים אריין אין מיין הויז – מי גייט אויף א שפאציר

וואטש דיין שטריימעל – צו גייסט צוברעכן מיין טיר
איך האב א גיטע טשולענט פאר די עולם צו עסן
מיר ברענגט נישט דיין באבע זי גייט אלעס פרעסן
מיין באבע רעדט אידיש און מיין טאטע אויך
די ערשטע ווארט איך האב געלערנט איז א גוטע וואך
איך האב נישט סתם א מיני ווען
ס’קומט פולי לודעד מיט א בעק אפ קאם
דו, דו ביסט, דו ביסט א יאץ
און דיינע ברידער איז א קלאץ
דו, דו ביסט, דו ביסט א פערד
און דיינע מוטער האט א בערד
יאאא
Free Translation of Yiddish:
Welcome to my crib, let’s go for a stroll
Watch that streimel (alt: hat), you gonna break my door
I have good cholent (alt: stew) for my homies to eat
Don’t bring your bubby (alt: grandma), she’s gonna down it all
My bubby talks Yiddish and my dad does too
The first phrase that I learned was “have a good week” (alt: get a life)
I don’t just have a regular minivan
It comes fully loaded with a back-up cam
wow!
You, You are a yutz
And your brother is a klutz
You, You are a horse
And your mother has a beard
Oy yoy yoy yoy, oyoyoyoyoy….
what?
Talk Yiddish to me!
Bubby: What? I don’t understand
Please like our Facebook Page on the right –>

talk-yiddish-icon

Our 7 Favorite Purim Pics

Happy Shushan Purim! Enjoy our favorite pics that are circulating the interwebs on this Hangover Day. (If you see something that should be on this list, please post the link below.)

7. This image made its rounds on Purim. I guess the clown could throw off the enemy.

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6. Guess these costumes were out of season and on sale. Anything on sale is automatically Jewish, no?
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5. No need to be politically correct on Purim!
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4. The judges must have loved her glasses.
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3. Jewbellish president Mendy Pellin sporting some cool bling bling!
IMG_20140316_1924522. This should probably be the uniform for those that are half soldier half yeshiva student.
Purim costume half Haredi half soldier

1. This is just awesome! Window cleaners in an Israeli hospital (Shneider Children’s Medical Center) dressed up differently on Purim to cheer up the children. Spiderman! Yes!
Window cleaners give some Purim entertainment at Shneider Children's Medical Center in Petah Tikvah.

We Love Hasidic Yoga!

Or shall we call it OyGa? We posted on our instagram about this new trend a few months ago. Thanks to another Jewish website, The New York Times, we secured amazing new images for you to enjOY. Wanna join this class?

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From the Times:

In 1997, Rachel Kolberg was newly married, pregnant and living in Tel Aviv when she went to her first yoga class. It was a revelation. Her husband, Avraham, soon began practicing with her. “I was looking for some spiritual support,” he says. “Yoga gave that to me.” Seven years later, the couple opened their own studio, determined to introduce yoga to fellow Orthodox Jews in Beit Shemesh. They teach Iyengar yoga, a discipline that encourages the use of props to assist with poses. While yoga is increasingly popular in Israel, Avraham says, it is “revolutionary” in their neighborhood. Their students, taught in single-sex classes, are encouraged to come as they are, even in day clothes or long skirts, if necessary. The Kolbergs say yoga helps people who spend long days in prayer and study and aren’t physically active. But, Rachel says, “in our studio, we will never have practices that contradict our religion, such as mantras and chanting.” Julie Bosman

Year the Kolbergs opened their Beit Shemesh yoga studio: 2004

Students who practice at the studio each week: Roughly 100

Ratio of female to male students: Three to two

The Official Jewish Baseball Player Prayer

Pray ball! It’s that time of the year! For many fans, baseball IS a religion. For the Jewbellish fan, below is the official prayer by Coffee Shop Rabbi.

What team are you praying for?

jews-baseball

 

Blessed are You, Eternal our God, Ruler of the Universe, who created human beings out of the clay of the earth, breathing into them the breath of Your life. You set within each human being a love of play, as well as a sense of fair play, and a desire for games that would satisfy both the body and the mind. From these human desires You brought forth baseball, a game of bats and balls played upon the diamond. It is an orderly game, as Your creation is orderly, and a mysterious game, as Your creation is mysterious, revealing to its devotees deep truths about Your world.

It is a game subject to times and seasons, and we give thanks for the fact that we are now at the beginning of the season of baseball. Amen.

It is a game subject to rules and statistics, and we give thanks for the Official Baseball Rules as well as their league variations, and also for the many statistics that add to the strategies of managers and the enjoyment of fans. Amen.

Even as one cannot achieve a five run home run, let our foes be unable to defeat us. Amen.

Even as no one can achieve a quadruple play, let them be filled with dread at the sight of our bats. Amen.

And when the forces of Light and Dark join upon the diamond field, let our players play uninjured and mighty. Let the crack of the bat and the roar of the crowd fill every ear and every heart, so that the words of the prophet may be fulfilled: Play Ball!

And when this season nears completion, when the dwindling hours of day reflect the dwindling number of teams in post-season play, let our team remain victorious to the last inning, so that we may glorify Your Name with the World Series trophy. Amen.

Blessed are You, Eternal our God, who enlivens our hearts with games.

About the Prayer: The opening of the new baseball season (Rosh Z’man Beisbol) is a major festival for many American Jews. Discussions on the holiday are recorded in Tractate Miskhakim (Games) and in Hilkhot Z’man Beisbol (Laws of the Season of Baseball) as well as in HaYachalom HaHakir (The Precious Diamond), a mystical work. The prayer that follow is from Sefer Greenberg, a book of prayers attributed to Jewish baseball great Hank Greenberg, although those skeptical Wissenschaft yekkies insist that it is a pseudapigraphal piece, probably written in about 5768 by a ba’al teshuvah in Detroit, most likely a Tigers fan.

There is disagreement as to whether this prayer should be said at the opening of Spring Training or on Opening Day. Consult a rabbi or your home team office for the minhag hamakom (local custom) upon this matter.